Brain Food
By KaBob

Everyone stared at him, why were they staring at him. They should be running, he had warned them all about the monkey invasion. Instead of running these people were just staring at him like he was crazy. This was normal though, people always stared at him like this. It was like they were lost in a fantasy world where toast couldn’t talk and appliances couldn’t fly. In fact, they were all criminals, murderers many times over. All of them devoured his friends and family every day, it was just a week ago that his girlfriend, Skittles, had been murdered by delusional children insisting she was just a bag of candy. Skittles had been the most fascinating women he had ever known and now she was gone. Oh well he could buy one of her cousins, he had bought her on sale at wal-mart and there had been dozens of her relatives there. He starting walking to wal-mart, he couldn’t live without someone to talk to. He had to replace skittles. He walked into wal-mart and greeted the chips; he always enjoyed visiting his friends. Wal-mart was one of his favorite places to visit, so many foods to talk to. He eventually wandered to where the meats lived. Meats were fun to talk to, they always had something funny to say. Then he saw her, sleeping on aisle 3. Turkey was her name and she was amazing. He walked up to her and said a pickup line, no response. “That’s odd,” he thought and looked closer. The plastic bed she was sleeping in had instructions on how to wake her. He carried her to the checkout and paid for her. He carried her all the way home and stuffed her, naked, into his oven. He followed the instructions and 9 hours later he opened the oven back up. “Hey!!” she said from inside “What’s cooking?” He laughed and pulled her out of the oven, “how are you?” he asked. “Fine now that I’m with you” she said smiling. He smiled and kissed her. “Wow you taste good” he exclaimed, then it overcame him. Once again he could not resist the urge to feed. He rifled throughout his kitchen until he found a large knife. He took the blade and stabbed it into her, she cried out in pain. He continued stabbing until the cries ceased then he swallowed entire pieces of her whole. “And that’s what I did today” he said hours later at a bar. The stranger sitting next to him looked ill, like he had not enjoyed the story. “Eat me” the stranger moaned “put me out of my misery.” “O… ok….” He muttered and ate the cheese he had just met. “Why do all my friends get eaten?” he sighed to himself.